“For a long time, memory researchers assumed that memories were like volumes stored in a library. When your brain remembered something, it was simply searching through the stacks and then reading aloud from whatever passage it discovered. But some scientists now believe that memories effectively get rewritten every time they’re activated, thanks to a process called reconsolidation. To create a synaptic connection between two neurons the associative link that is at the heart of all neuronal learning you need protein synthesis. Studies on rats suggest that if you block protein synthesis during the execution of learned behavior pushing a lever to get food, for instance the learned behavior disappears. It appears that instead of simply recalling a memory that had been forged days or months ago, the brain is forging it all over again, in a new associative context. In a sense, when we remember something, we create a new memory, one that is shaped by the changes that have happened to our brain since the memory last occurred to us.”—
Slate Magazine, “The Science of Eternal Sunshine by Steven, March 22, 2004
“Man shouldn’t be able to see his own face – there’s nothing more sinister. Nature gave him the gift of not being able to see it, and of not being able to stare into his own eyes.Only in the water of rivers and ponds could he look at his face. And the very posture he had to assume was symbolic. He had to bend over, stoop down, to commit the ignominy of beholding himself.The inventor of the mirror poisoned the human heart.”—Fernando Pessoa (via blackestdespondency)
“Humans — who enslave, castrate, experiment on, and fillet other animals — have had an understandable penchant for pretending animals do not feel pain. A sharp distinction between humans and ‘animals’ is essential if we are to bend them to our will, make them work for us, wear them, eat them — without any disquieting tinges of guilt or regret. It is unseemly of us, who often behave so unfeelingly toward other animals, to contend that only humans can suffer. The behavior of other animals renders such pretensions specious. They are just too much like us.”—Carl Sagan (via we-are-star-stuff)
tomorrow’s easter. I remember two years ago to this day the night before was when I first stayed over. we only talked until we fell asleep. we talked about everything, about death, our pasts, the future. then you danced into sleep.
my mornings consists, while taking hot showers, of the thinking of the ways I fucked up; the ways I made things worse. tomorrow’s Easter, one of the very few days I woke up first before you in your bed.
“For me, there is always, and I believe that there must be more than one language, mine and that of the other (I am greatly simplifying) and I must try to write in such a way that my language does not make the language of the other suffer [souffrir],that he/she puts up with me [me souffre] without suffering [sans souffrir] [because of it], receives the hospitality of my language without losing or integrating himself/herself in it.”—Derrida, “A Certain ‘Madness’ Must Watch Over Thinking,” 1995 (via queertheoryissexy)
“I don’t think love is always a huge, cataclysmal emotional event. I think sometimes it sits in front of you for a very long time until you glance over and say, oh, there you are. I don’t think it’s your saving grace. I think it’s the hand that you hold while you save yourself. I don’t think it’s someone who sweeps you off your feet. I think it’s someone who stays right beside you and lets you walk on your own. I don’t think it’s always a blazing but temporary insanity of racing hearts and hormones. I think that’s the love that changes us. The love that should stay with us is the calm, deep, thorough knowing that you want to be with someone despite logical objections. And what may be even more important than anything is that I think you find your own love at the very edges of where other people’s love pushes you.”—(via theperksofbeingtiffany)
“We’re all going to die, all of us, what a circus. That alone should make us love each other, but it doesn’t. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing.”—Charles Bukowski (via purplebuddhaproject)
“Only in America can you be pro-death penalty, pro-war, pro-unmanned drone bombs, pro-nuclear weapons, pro-guns, pro-torture, pro-land mines, and still call yourself ‘pro-life.’”—John Fuegelsang (via companyofyou)
There is a secret bond between slowness and memory, between speed and forgetting. Consider this utterly commonplace situation: a man is walking down the street. At a certain moment, he tries to recall something, but the recollection escapes him. Automatically he slows down. Meanwhile, a person who wants to forget a disagreeable
incident he has just lived through starts unconsciously to speed up his pace, as if he were trying to distance himself from a thing still too close to him in time.
In existential mathematics, that experience takes the form of two basic equations: the degree of slowness is directly proportion to the intensity of memory; the degree of speed is directly proportional to the intensity of forgetting.
”—Milan Kundera, from Slowness (HarperCollins, 1996)
I could say and write all the words I wanted, and it still wouldn’t completely convey my emotions. In fact, the more I say and write, the more words needed to convey the previous words. Similar to Zeno’s paradox, I can’t catch up to what I want to say until I convey the words in between; then I reach the halfway point, only to realize that there are more words in between that halfway point and the goal; and then there’s more to convey in between the ‘halfway point of the last halfway point' and the end; and so on and so on. The only way to have ever said what I wanted could be conveyed only without words: a kiss, the interlocking of fingers, the embrace, the gaze, the smile. and tears.
I think there is often some ‘saving power’ left when things go awry. I obsess of it, especially when I’ve invested my whole being into it’s past. I think of all the ways I can save it. I spend hours online looking up flight information, jobs in other cities, the possibility of transferring to other schools. I think to myself, just how bad would it actually be if I changed my lifestyle again? I wouldn’t die obviously. There are choices to be made, and I can make them. The saving power is in the action itself, so long as I am able to be able. And after hours of obsessing, I mentally and emotionally break down, and I realize that I’m possibly fooling myself. And I shut it all down only to return to the same obsession the next day. Maybe I’m too full of hope; there’s too much of it. I’m suppose to take responsibility of actions which sometimes implies simple endurance of a mess. This is the same line of reasoning that ‘pro-lifers’ tell women who have unwanted pregnancies. They tell them to take responsibility for their actions and deliver their child after 9 months. Now I’m not definitely comparing myself to a pregnant woman. That line of reasoning just seems to overlap from issue to issue. It just doesn’t seem clear how we interpret ‘taking responsibility’ in our decisions. Is it defined as accepting our actions? Or is it defined as taking new actions to correct or alter? Maybe it depends on how much you believe you have or should have control. I don’t know… I just know that it hurts to have worsened something than it already is/was. It hurts even more to wake up and officially lose a huge chunk/portion of your overall meaning for waking up. As soon as I woke up, I remembered one of the most important thing I lost. And I’ll remember it tomorrow morning. And the morning after that. And the morning after that…
“It’s not the kind of sadness to where you cry all the time, but more of like the sadness that overwhelms your entire body, leaving you heart aching and your stomach empty. Making you feel weak and tired. And yet, you can’t even sleep cause the sadness is in your dreams too. It’s almost a sadness you can’t escape.”—(via wordsthat-speak)
“In general, people are not drawn to perfection in others. People are drawn to shared interests, shared problems, and an individual’s life energy. Humans connect with humans. Hiding one’s humanity and trying to project an image of perfection makes a person vague, slippery, lifeless, and uninteresting.”—Robert Glover (via hyperdimensionalkittens)
“In conversation you’ve got your vis-à-vis’s last statement— but when you simply ponder, why, your ideas just succeed each other like magic-lantern patterns and each one forces out the last.”—F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and Damned (via mamalovebone)
“Time is the substance I am made of. Time is a river which sweeps me along, but I am the river; it is a tiger which destroys me, but I am the tiger; it is a fire which consumes me, but I am the fire.”—Jorge Luis Borges (via fernsandmoss)
“Well, I think that when you have a connection with someone, it never really goes away, you know? You snap back to being important to each other because you still are.”—Alex Vause, from Orange Is The New Black (via violentwavesofemotion)